Checklist Syndrome: Do You Have It?

I know so many people that are suffering w/ Checklist Syndrome. I, myself, also struggled with it for a while, but now I call myself a survivor.

At some point in our lives, we are all forced to evaluate "where we are" and compare it to "where we 'should' be".

This is a dangerous act.

It is dangerous because it forces us to compare our own personal achievements (or the lack thereof) with what society expects of us.

Everyone seems to be laboring under the false delusion that by the time you are X (insert age here), you should be married and have X (insert second number here) of kids. You are supposed to have gone to college and be employed in this fantastic career for which there are, of course, endless opportunities for advancement. You should be happy. You should have the perfect body. You should be this ideal person living this fairytale life. In other words, you are supposed to be working on checking off the boxes on "the checklist". This is the prime example of Checklist Syndrome. It's the nagging doubt, the voice in the back of our mind, the picture perfect ideal that makes us question our own self-worth.

This begs the questions, "whose checklist is this, anyway?"

I mean,really, who decides what goes on this list? Who decides what will guarantee our happiness??

Unfortunately, I do not believe that we create our own list; I believe it is created by others' expectations for us. It is a culmination of things that we thing we are "supposed" to do in life, a list of things that are supposed to make us "happy". Ultimately, this Checklist Syndrome will lead to unhappiness, for following the expectations of others can only lead to misery. Alas, most of us, myself included, have to go through this all on our own, land on our rear end, and then, only then, start to rebuild our lives from there.

I thought I was doing everything right. When I graduated from high school I went to a four-year university. I had an awesome time, got a great education, spent a semester in Europe, graduated and eventually found a decent job that I liked well enough (all off the checklist). I met the person I would eventually marry, figured I had "grown up" enough and decided that he was "the one". We got married, waited the appropriate time (also on the checklist), got pregnant and started having kids.

Now here I am, ten years later, on my own for what feels like the first time in my life. Why? Because now I have a new and improved checklist: one that I wrote for myself. One that is flexible, mutable, ever-changing and expanding.

A waste of ten years?

Some may say so, but not me. After all, I got three beautiful and smart children out of the deal. As a sacrifice, however, I did have to give up part of myself, a part that I am now reclaiming, slowly, but surely.

So, how should someone avoid Checklist Syndrome? It's easy…

Here is my solution:
Write your own damn checklist.

Throw away the old one and tell anyone that asks you about it to shove it up their arse.
Do what you want to do.
Be what you want to be.

Don't force it—life has it's own agenda, and there is no way to change it. You are along for the ride, so you better figure out how to discover the joys present in your life. Figure out exactly what it is that makes you smile, makes you laugh, makes your heart soar and then write it down—if it can do those things, it belongs on your new and improved checklist and is surely a cure for Checklist Syndrome.

My new checklist is pretty short. It has on it things that I can work towards as time goes by (like go to Greece for a week-long vacation) and some that I can do immediately (like go whitewater rafting this spring). Overall, I know that I have to create my own vision of what life is "supposed" to be like. I have to be okay knowing that I am 35, a single mom with three kids and, with my job, the hopes of making millions are essentially out the window! But I also know that no matter how simple or average or ordinary my life may appear to others…it's mine…it's perfect…and I love it….